Smile A While....Some More

Smile A While....Some More

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.

"Great," Johnny replied.

"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.

"Yes, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30-to-1!"


____________ _________ _________

A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Yukon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation, or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by.

Later, the tribal chief told the bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most.

"The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!"


____________ _________ _________

Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."

"No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking."


____________ _________ _________

While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They'd lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it.

I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search.

"I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified."

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TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans.: Business.
Tax: PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans.: Selling the Goods.
Tax: PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.: From other State/Abroad
Tax: PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans.: Profit.
Tax: PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans.: Factory.
Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY!

6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL FIRE TAX!

7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX!

9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans.: Yes, for Salary.
Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch Dinner?
Ans.: Hotel
Tax: PAY FOOD ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans.: Gift on birthday.
Tax: PAY GIFT TAX!

14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX!

15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans.: Cinema or Resort.
Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

16) Qus. : Have you purchased House?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY REGISTRATION FEE !

17) Qus. : How you Travel?
Ans.: Bus
Tax: PAY SURCHARGE!

18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY INTEREST PENALTY

Owner Site : www.netfordownload.com

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Some Joke... Some more laugh...:)

Some Joke... Some more laugh...:)

A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney.

At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, Father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!"

His father frowned, and scolded his son, "I did not say that it WOULD go on forever, son. I said that it COULD go on forever! When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, didn't it ever occur to you that I was billing by the hour?"



."



"



I just wanted to let you know that a new Homeland Security Program has been launched by the FBI.



Things will be different now and Internet surfing will be tracked by what the FBI calls a "non-intrusive method".



The FBI says you will not notice anything different.



For a demonstration, click on the link below...



Homeland Security


Quickies

One day I was reading a newspaper. On page two was a picture of a famous politician and his gorgeous wife.

Slightly jealous of the politician, I turned to my wife and said, ""It's unfair that the biggest jerks in the world catch the most beautiful wives."

My wife smiled and replied, "Why, thank you, Dear."

____________ _________ _________

At a children's hospital, a little boy about three years old was brought into the emergency room. He had filled both ears with tiny pebbles.

After working over an hour to remove the stones, the doctor asked, "Son, why would you stuff so many pebbles in your ears?"

"Because," he replied matter-of-factly, "they kept falling out of my nose."

____________ _________ _________

The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "With the captain's compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."

____________ _________ _________

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair.

His wife woke him in the morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called.

"In whose favor?"

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Jest and Puns

RIDDLES

What has a coat all winter and pants in the summer?
A dog.


How can you prove that a horse has six legs?
A horse has forelegs in front and two behind.

Why didn't they play cards on Noah's ark?
Because Noah sat on the deck.

Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs?
Because she mislaid them.

What's an insect's favorite sport?
Cricket


Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
To have his ghoul stones removed


How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones

What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings?
Lazy bones

What do boney people use to get into their homes?
Skeleton keys

What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
It came back with a skeleton crew

Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor?
Because he was in high spirits


What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
A grave problem.

PUNS

Four ghosts were playing poker when there was a knock at the door.
"Whooo is it?" they asked. "Rigor Mortis. May I set in?" (John S.
Crosbie)


Working as an elevator operator has its ups and downs.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
won't have a leg to stand on.

I've been married to my old flame for 32 years. I guess that means we
are a perfect match. (Gary Hallock)

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

The ink drop was crying because his daddy was in the pen.

"If you can make a joke on any subject," roared the king to his
jester, "try making one on me." "Ah," said the jester, "the king is
not a subject."
GROANERS & SHAGGY PUPPY STORIES

A ghoul fell in love with a mummy. Alas, the ghoul did not know much
about proper care of mummies, and in a couple of weeks the mummy began
to unravel and disintegrated. The moral of the story: A ghoul and his
mummy are soon parted.

Other humor

"Does water always come through the roof in this place?" "No, sir,
only when it rains."

Travel agency motto: "Please go away."

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Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage


Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

(Krishana Raghav)

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Choosing a wife

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer' s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world

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15 Rules That India Lives by.....

15 Rules That India Lives by.....

1.The Other Side Law:
If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on
the wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars will be rerouted via Meerut.

2. The No Queue Rule:
If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into the front as long as I am looking the other way.

3. The Mind Over Matter Law:
If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another..

4. The Auto Axiom:
If I indicate which way I am going to turn my vehicle, it is an information security leak.


5. The In Spit Of Thing:
The more I lean out of my car or bus, and the harder I spit, the stronger the roads become.

6. The Cinema Hall Fact:
If I get a call on my mobile phone, the film automatically goes into pause mode.

7. The Brotherhood Law:
If I want to win an argument, I need only to repeatedly suggest to the other person that I have illicit relations with his sister.

8. The Baraat/ Marriage Right:
When I'm on the road to marriage, all the roads in the city belong to me. To ME.

9. The Heart Of Things:
If I open enough buttons on my shirt, the pretty girl at the bus stop can see through my mal-formed chest into the depths of my soul.

10. The Name Game:
It is very important for the driver behind me to memorize the nicknames of my children.

11. Parking Up The Wrong Tree:
When I double-park my car, the road automatically widens so that the traffic is not affected.

12. The Chill Bill Move:
When I park and block someone else's car I am giving him a chance to pause, relax, chill and take a few moments off from his rushed day.

13. The Ogling Stare:
If you don't ogle and drool at every hot Chick that passes by, you're gay.

14. The Bus Law:
If I stop my bus at the correct place near the bus stop, the city will explode and blow into 6 million pieces.

15. The VIP Rule:
There are only 3 important persons in this city -Me, I, Myself!

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