Relationships (Jokes)

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.

************ ********* ********* ************ *** **

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

************ ************ *** ********* ********* **

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

************ ********* ********* ***** ********* ***

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Indian Shayari

Aashiq Ankhon Hi Ankhon Me Baat Samaj Lete He ,
Sapno Me Milne Ko Mulakat Samaz Lete He ,
Rota He Ashma Bhi Jami Ke Liye ,
Pagal He Log Usse Barsaat Samaj Lete He......


Khawab Dekhey Bhi Nahi Aur Toot Gaye ,
Hum Unse Miley Bhi Nahi Aur Vo Rooth Gaye ,
Hum Jagtey Rahe Duniya Soti Rahi ,
Ek Barish Hi Thi Jo Sang Hamare Roti Rahi......


Unka Waada He Ki Vo Laut Aayenge ,
Esi Umeed Pe Hum Jiye Jayengey ,
Ye Intjaar Bhi Unhi Ki Tarah He ,
Kar Rahe They , Kar Rahe He Aur Kiye Jayenge...

Principles of life

* Winning isn't everything. But wanting to win is.





* You would achieve more, if you don't mind who gets the credit.





* When everything else is lost, the future stillremains.





* Don't fight too much. Or the enemy would know your art of war .





* The only job you start at the top is when you dig a grave.





* If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.





* If you do little things well, you'll do big ones better.





* Only thing that comes to you without effort is old age.





* You won't get a second chance to make the first impression .





* Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.





* Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution.





* If you are not failing you're not taking enough risks.





* Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.





* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.





* Those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything





* There are two kinds of failures. Those who think and never do, and those who do and never think.





* Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.





* All progress has resulted from unpopular decisions.





* Change your thoughts and you change your world.





* Understanding proves intelligence, not the speed of the learning.





* There are two kinds of fools in this world. Those who give advise and those who don't take it.





* The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.





* Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.





* Friendship founded on business is always better than business founded on friendship.

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Indian Sayari

“ Gul ke Chaman me thhoda Bahar Ati
To iss Hava Ko kya Fark padta…….!
Tapti iss Dharti ko thhodi Rahat hoti
To iss Barsaat ko kya Fark padta…….!!

Chaman me Bahar Aa Gayi to
Gul me ‘Jawani’ ki Ronak Aa gayi…….!
Barsaat Joomke Dharti pe Barsi to
Do Anjan ‘DILO’ me ‘Muhobbat’ ho gayi….!!

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indian Jokes

Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
------------ ---
"U love someone
U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of Ur mail id"
------------ ---
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.
------------ ---
If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok,
If someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say there
is a limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.
------------ ---
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
------------ ---
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
------------ ---
What's the diff between Dava &d Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
------------ ---
Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or
wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.
------------ ---
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter
speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut

--
"Friendship is the bridge between earth and heaven"

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Time for LAUGH....

*A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

* What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says "YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends."

*If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.

* .


*When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

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sayari

“ Jo Hamse Bahot Kareeb Hai
Usse Ham Chhoo nahi Sakte
Shayad Isse “Mazburi” Kahete Hai,

Jo Hame Chahta hai
Usse Ham Paa nahi Sakte
Shayad Isse “Naseeb” Kahete hai….….!”

Jise Nahi Dekha kabhi
Fir bhi Usse Paane ki Tamanna Hai
Shayad Isse Vaqt ki “Nazakat” Kahete hai,

Ajee Iss ‘Mazburi’ aur ‘Naseeb’ ke Bich
Panpta Ek Rishta hai
Shayad Isse yaha “Muhobbat”
Kahete Hai.....!!

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SMS COLLECTION

1) "TANHA" khud ko kabhi hone mat dena.Aankho ko kabhi rone mat dena.Bahut khaas hai aap hamare liye_Is khayal ko kabhi apne se juda hone mat dena.

2) TAMAM GAM BHUL JANE KO G KARTA HE AAJ, MUSKURANE KO G KARTA HE, BAHUT G LIYE SAHARE AAPKI YADON KE, AAJ APKE PAS AANE KO G KARTA HAI.

3) Dushmani dushman se,pyar pasand se,khushi harek se,rishtey apnose mohabbat mehbob se,ishq ashiq se,magar dosti dil se jo hamne ki hai aap se..

4) Kripa ki na hoti jo aadat tumahri,toh reh ja ti khaali ibadat tumahri, mein muljim na hota, na tum hote haakim ,soonee hi reh jaati adalat tumahri

5) Kisi k"PYAR"ko bhulana n aya hume
Kisi k"DIL"ko dukhana n aya hme
Kisi ki"YAAD"me tadpna to sekh Liya ! Magar apni"YAAD"me kisi ko tadpana na aya hame.

6) Har subah naye kafile me sawaar hota hu.
Har dopahar naye dardse najre chaar hota hu.
Shaam ko gahrati hai darde yaari..
Phir nayi subah ka intzar karta hu.

7) Kuch log yadon ko dil ki tasbeer banate hai,dostonki yadonme mehfil sajate hai,hum thode alag hai jo kisiko yad anese pehle unko apni yad dilate hai!

8) Ap lakh bhula k dekhlo hm dilse yad ayenge
honge apke bade chahne wale hm sabse badhke chahenge
ap pani p p k thak jana hm hichkian ban ban ke ayenge.

9) Toote khwabo ki tasveer kab puri hoti hai,chand taro k beech bhi doori hoti hai.dena to hume khuda sab kuch chahta hai, par uski bhi kuch mazburi hoti hai..

10) Sulagti raat ghani chandni si hoti hai
Tumhare sath ye duniya nayi si hoti hai
Gale mein uske khuda ki ajeeb barkat hai
Wo bolta hai to ik roshni si hoti hai
Kiran nikalne se pehle gulab dekhe hai
Tumhari yaad mein wo tazgi si hoti hai

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COLLECTION OF MY FUNNY SMS

1) AASMAN ME TUM HO,ZAMIN PE TUM HO,HAWA ME TUM HO,JAHA BHI DEKHO TUM HI TUM HO.

DOMEX WALI AUNTY SAHI KEHTI HAI

"KITAANU" HAR JAGAH HOTE HAI.....

2) Police ko body mili hai,
Kale Dant hai,
Ghosle jaise bal hai,
Shakal paglo vali hai,
Pair ulte hai,
Mujhe tumhari chinta ho rahi hai.
Zara mis cal to do,tasalli ho jayegi.

5) Jab ap paida hue, tab aakash se phul barse, apsharao ne nirtya kiya, ghi ke diye jalaye gaye or Brahmaji bole "Chalo chutkara mila,ab duniya wale
bhugtenge"..

6) Ye pyar bhi ajeeb hota hai,
Maa se ho to mamta,
Pita se ho to kartavya,
Bhai se ho to dharm,
Behen se ho to farz
or
Biwi se ho to

Sonu-Monu

Chotu-Pappu.

7) Jevan k kathin rasto pe kaun apka sath dega? mummy/papa.? Nahi husband/wife. ?Nahi frnds.?Nahi brother/sister. ?Nahi are bhai apki CHAPPAL Or kaun
???

8) Pyar kabhi na karna pardesi se
rote-2 naina thak jayenge.
Pyar karna hamesha padosi se
roz khidki se darshan ho jayenge

9) Ravan-Maai.. Bhiksha de do..
Lady-Yeh lo..
Ravn-Rekha paar karo
Lady cross d line
Ravan-Haha!
Me bhikshuk nahi RAVAN hu
Lady-hehe.Me bhi SEETA nahi kamvali hu..

10) IT tax Officer hass raha tha. Dusara: Kya huva? Pehla:Mallika sherawat ka ITreturn hai Dusara:tho? Pehla: Laundry ka bill 7 lakh bataya hai.

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Indian Jokes

A man walks into a barber shop and asks; "how much for a hair cut?" The barber said $12.50. The man asks; "and how much for a shave?" The barber said $1.50. The man then says SHAVE IT ALL.

A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"

A woman sadly tells her husband: We will not be together in heaven as we may die at different times my dear.
After a pause her husband replied; my dear that is why the place is known as 'Heaven'.

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santa strikes back

Santa: today I made a fool of water?
Banta: how did you do that?
Santa: I heated some water for a bath and bathed with cold water

--------

Santa: My wife is still scared of water
Banta: how come?
Santa: yesterday when i went home,
she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!

----------

Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.
Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.

-----------

banta: you cheated me.
shopkeeper: no, i sold a good radio to you.
banta: radio label shows made in japan but radio says this is all india
radio!

-----------

nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.
santa: don't tell my wife, i want to surprise her!
------------

Everybody was angry with the hike in petrol prices
Santa: Sir, why are you so angry?
Sir: The petrol price is increasing day-by-day, this is not fair.
Santaji, you don't look worried?
Santa: Why should i worry. For me it is the same price.
Sir: how come?
Santa: Earlier also i filled for Rs 100 now also i fill for rs 100!
Sir: ???????????

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COLLECTION OF MY FUNNY SMS

1) Go down to c my heart..

Dekha.
Kitna saaf hai mera DIL,
Bole to ekdam Aapke.

Dimag Ki tarah.

2) Santa-pehle me apni biwi ko BA krwaunga fir MA fir Phd krwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga. Banta- fir acha sa rishta dekh k uski shadi bhi krwa diyo

3) Ek admi aadi raat ko apni moti biwi se bola ki sisak sisak ke marna theek hai ya ek dum. BIWI - Ek dum. Aadmi -To apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do.

4) MAFI NAMA:
Agar
meri
raat
ko
msgs
bhejne
ki
aadat
se
aap
pareshan
hai to
aap
apna
mobile
toilet me fek dena
NA RAHEGA BAS NA BAJEGI BASURI.

5) Chubby Cheeks,
Dimple Chin,
Browny Lips,
tiny eyes&
Rosy Tongue
Actually I ws pointing out d similarities b/w U & vodafone dog.
it's gr8!
Are u twins?

6) Sabhi jungli janwaro ko suchit kiya jata he ki
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
AAP to aise padh rahe ho, jaise suchna aapke liye ho..

7) Science teacher:agar kisi ladki ko mirgi ka attack ho to use lambe time tak kiss karo isse wo thik ho jayegi. Student:par sir use attack kaise dilaya jaye?.

8) What is the diff. between dava & daru?
Ans: Dava is like girlfriend that comes with expiry date.
Daru is like WIFE, jitni PURANI hogi UTNA sir CHAD ke bolegi...

9) 1 admi ke paas 1 kauwa tha
wo bahut naram-mulayam tha
to aadmi uska naam kya rakhega ?
.@
:-C
:'(
:)
;-)
:-)
My-Crow-Soft !

10) Propose karne ka sher:

Kutta mar gaya rajaai mein,
Main paagal ho gaya teri judaai mein
Haathi nadi mein beh nahin sakta,Apun tere bina reh nahin sakta...

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Some Halloween witch jokes

Q: Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle!


Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray.


Q: How does the witch know what time it is?
A: She looks at her witch-watch.


Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!


Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She witch-hiked!


Q: What does a witch kid want for Christmas?
A: A haunted dollhouse.


Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So they would know which witch is which!


Q: How do witches tell time?
A: With a witch watch.


Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broom-mates.


Q: What does a witch ask for when she is in a hotel?
A: Broom service.


Q: What did one witch say to other when she asked for a lift?
A: "There's always broom for one more."


Q: When do witches cook their victims?
A: On Fry Day.


Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch.


Q: What do you call a motorbike that belongs to a witch?
A: A brrrooooommmm stick.


Q: Who was the most famous witch detective?
A: Warlock Holmes.


Q: What do they teach in witching school?
A: Spelling.


Q: Why does a witch ride a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.


Q: What do you call a witch's garage?
A: A broom closet.


Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She witch-hiked!

Q: What do witches eat at Halloween?
A: Spookettihalloweeni esdevils food cake and booberry pie!


Q: What story do little witches like to hear at bedtime?
A: Ghoul deluxe and the three scares!


Q: How does a witch tell the time?
A: With a witch watch!


Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the washing machine?
A: She wanted a clean sweep!


Q: What do you call two witches that share a room?
A: Broom mates!


Q: What noise does a witch's breakfast cereal make?
A: Snap, cackle and pop!


Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy!


Q: What's a cold evil candle called?
A: The wicked wick of the north!


Q: What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round?
A: A witch in a revolving door!


Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside?
A: A witch dressed as a cucumber!


Q: What happens if you see twin witches?
A: You won't be able to see which witch is witch.

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Jokes

Jokes Corner


A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card....

"Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying

... "Congratulations on your new location !'"



Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking:

"What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that had been vandalized?"

"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash."

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money.

He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, " Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. Because I want to take all my money to the after life."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well one day he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to their best friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait A Minute!"

She had a shoebox with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man."

She said, " Yes, I promised.. I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

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Funny Thoughts On Exercise

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

**********

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

**********

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

**********

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

**********

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

**********

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

**********

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

**********

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

**********

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

**********

Next humor: Going to Propose a Girl ?

Love cool mails?

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guys u hv 2 read dis!!!Girls plz,no offence intended!lol(18+)

So you’re glad you’re a chick? Well, I’m glad I’m a guy.
So have a seat, missy, and I’ll tell ya why
I’m so glad I’m a man, I could stand and applaud
That I don’t have to live life as a broad.

.
There’s honor and not shame for me when I get laid.
I can get head in a restaurant booth.
Mechanics will (usually) tell me the truth.

I can go sit at a bar all alone
Without twenty drunk losers inviting me home.
Workmen and service men never do hassle me.
Car CD players don’t simply baffle me.

I can reach stuff hidden on the top shelf.
I can change light bulbs all by myself.
No one expects anything when I just flirt.
I don’t have to wear dumb stuff like hose or a skirt.

My underwear’s cotton, and three for eight bucks.
Bras are expensive and WIRE - that sucks.
I get to buy cool stuff like hammers and drills.
You have to buy makeup and birth control pills.

Never will I suffer from PMS.
It takes me ten minutes to shower and dress.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
I don’t have a purse full of useless old stuff.

None of my co-workers can make me cry.
When someone fails to call, I don’t give a shit why.
I never will need an electrician or plumber.
I can date someone much younger and dumber.

,
.
I revel in guy-hood with joy I can’t squelch,
And I’ll celebrate every scratch, every belch.

I’m glad I’m a man, of that I am proud.
I’m not at all bitchy, annoying and loud.
I won’t try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small.
My credit card is still good when I leave from the mall.

I won’t drink Diet Coke, or eat a rice cake.
There’s no silicone here, my chest isn’t fake.

I do what’s proper, I leave the toilet seat up.

It doesn’t take hours to fix up my hair,
I don’t see the need to use bathrooms in pairs.
I won’t throw a tirade and then blame PMS.
I’m a man and I’m glad I can deal with my stress.

I have intuition, I never get lost.
I share household duties, I won’t try to be the boss.
I’m a man and with that comes a high sense of class,

I won’t cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot
I don’t make up false places, like the infamous “G-spot.”
I won’t go out at night in a black mini-skirt,
then slap anybody that just tries to flirt.

You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall,

Yes, I’m pleased to be male and I don’t mean to gloat.
I’m sorry you don’t understand how to work the remote.

I’ll never tease you, or play hard to get.
If I don’t get my way, I won’t throw a fit.
I don’t worry much about breaking a nail,
My face without makeup isn’t distorted and pale.

I’ll never say one thing while meaning another.
When life gets real hard, I won’t run to my mother.
In order to understand just who I am;
You need a Y-chromosome; it’s what makes you a man.

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Hallmark Cards .. Inside - Outside .. funny!

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray.....
(Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

17. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

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The Gossip

The Gossip

A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor. Within a few days the whole community knew the story.


The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended.


Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue.


She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.


" Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road."


Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.


The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."


The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.


" You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it's impossible to get them back.


So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong."

***********

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Hospital Fun

Peter called his doctor's office for an appointment.
"I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment. "

==========

Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Nurse: Have you seen a doctor?
Patient: No, just spots.

========

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!
Has anyone seen my watch?
That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh... that uh.....thingy
If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Damn, there go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
What do you mean, he's not insured?
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?
Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.
Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?
Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

==========

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Husband's Nick name

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about
their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of
his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do
you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

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Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?
Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long.
The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I�m really happy with the TV as my boyfriend. Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the
TV, hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the
door, and there stood a man.
The man said, Hello, son, is your grandma home?�
The little boy replied, Yeah, but she is in the bedroom banging her
boyfriend.
Grandma's minister fainted.

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I don't Need Light

Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.

The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.

The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?

Banta says, "Oh, about 8 to 10 feet."

The boss says, "Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you're no miner!"

On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.

The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?

Santa says, "Oh sure."

The boss asks how deep underground he worked.

Santa says, "I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground. "

The boss says, "20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, "What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? "

Santa says, "Oh, I didn't need a light, I worked on the day shift!"

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WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ

(Passing requires 4 correct answers, no cheating!!)


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?



Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.

Check your answers below.




ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

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joke

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

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Jealous Husband

Jealous Husband




A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife.



The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video.



They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!



He saw the two of them laughing in the park.

He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.

He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub.

He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"

The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"

*******

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*3 OLD MEN*

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"

"274" was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?

"Nine" says the third man.

"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. " I knew that, both are wrong. So, just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

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Contrary Proverbs...

Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction…
Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb!
There always exists two sides of the same coin!
U be the judge...
Contrary Proverbs
All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for no man.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.
Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.
The best things in life are free .
BUT
There's no such thing as a free lunch .
Slow and steady wins the race .
BUT
Time waits for no man.
Look before you leap.
BUT
Strike while the iron is hot .
Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.
Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.
Don't cross your bridges before you come to them.
BUT
Forewarned is forearmed.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.
Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It ain't over 'till it's over.
Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Silence is golden.
BUT
The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
You're never too old to learn.
BUT
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man's meat is another man's poison.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
BUT
Out of sight, out of mind.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.
BUT
Many hands make light work.
Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.
Don’t get deep into this… context matters…

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Deciding the days

Deciding the days

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.


While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."


On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."

***********

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Old AGE !..... Cool Jokes

Old AGE !.....

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

********

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You May Feel A Little Prick

You May Feel A Little Prick

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to
go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and
then washes his hands.

He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and
says, "You must be a dentist"

The guy, surprised, says "Yes ...how did you figure that out?"

The girl says, "Easy ... you keep washing your hands." One thing led to
another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, "You must
be a great dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist.

How did you figure that out?"


The girl says, "Easy... I didn't feel a thing!"

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Jewish Grandma

A Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach. He's playing in the
water, she is standing on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet, when
all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto
the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer
there ..he was swept away.

The grandma holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries: Lord, my GOD, how
could you? Haven't I been a wonderful grandmother? Haven't I been a
wonderful mother? Haven't I kept a kosher home? Haven't I given to charity?
Haven't I lit candles every Friday night? Haven't I tried my very best to
live a life that you would be proud of?

A voice booms from the sky, "All right already!"

A moment later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the
beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there. He is smiling and
splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.

The voice booms again. "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"

She responds, "He had a hat."

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Diary Of a Young Wife

Diary Of a Young Wife

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.
It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.

It said, prepare ingredients,
then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.

Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really
stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.

When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?"

Hmmm....It must be his job.

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PHONE REPAIR(a/c)

PHONE REPAIR

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Thought you'd like to know.

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Munnabhai and Circuit Jokes

PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI

Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

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20 Years (Joke)

My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack. "Doctor," she
pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two
years. I want to attend my first grandchild's bar mitzvah."

"We'll try," he replied compassionately.

In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.
Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to
be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."

"We'll do our best," he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter' s wedding.

Ten years passed. Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed
his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. "Doctor," she
began, "I'm feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:

Remember how you saw me through to my grandson's bar mitzvah?"

"Yes."

"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter' s wedding?"

"Yes."

"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just
bought myself a new mattress."

"Yes?"

"It has a 20-year guarantee... "

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COLLECTION OF MY FUNNY SMS....

1) Purana Loha becho. Teen dabba becho.
Tute fute saman becho. Plastic ke dibbe becho. Raddi akhbar becho.
Un paiso se Balance dalva k sms to BHEJO.

2) Arz kiya hai :

Soch samaj k na ki shaadi jisne, Usne jivan bigad liya,,

Aur chaturai se ki jisne shadi, usne bhi kya ukhad liya..

Wah.,Wah.,

3) U R MY BEST, SMART, CUTE, LOVABLE, SWEETEST nd INTELIGENT FRIEND.

NOTE : -Is msg k sabhi shabd kalpnik hai Inka wastawikta se koi sambandh nahi hai

4) What's the similarity between Marriage 11:59 pm?
..?
...?
....?
.....?
......?
Simple-Dono k baad 12 bajte hai....aur.. . din badal jate hai..!!

5) Boy : Suit bada acha pehna hai
Girl:Thanx
Boy:lipstik bahut achi lagai h
G:Thanx
B:make up bhi bahut acha kia h
G:Thanx "bhaiya"
B:fir bhi sundar nhi lag ri ho.

6) A SARDAR traveling in a train gets down in every station buys ticket for next station.
Guess Why?
Bcoz doctor told to him avoid
'Long Journey..

7) why do monkeys eat bananas not grass? .. .. .. ..

?
?
?
?

....

....

SORRY, it's ur personal matter,
i should not interfere.. ;-)

8) Santa apni biwi k offic gaya to dekha Boss k godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi.
Santa-Chal Laajo,aisi jagah kam nahi karna jahan staff k liye kursi b na ho!.

9) Q:- Aisi-Taisi kab hoti hai?

Ans:-Jab loose motion lage hon aur pajame ki ganth na khule.

10) Mohobbat me jene wale..
'Khushnaseeb hote hai.'
Mohobbat me marnewale..
'Ajeeb hote hai.'
Aur..Harwaqt. .
Mohobbat ki baate karnewale..

'Badhtameej hote hai'..Bt wait.
Aisa apun ko lagta hai.
Aapko kya lagta hai ?
Jawaab deneka.
Warna jawaab nhi denewale..

Dimaag k marij hote hai !

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Country Doctors

Country Doctors
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.



At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"



As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"



"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."



"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."



Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."



"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."



As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"



"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."

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Jokes

The young man said to his sweetheart, "We're going to have a great time tonight. I have three theater tickets."

The young girl said, "Why do we need three tickets?"
"They're for your father, mother, and kid sister!"

A stunning blonde displayed her curves and sold a soft drink in a TV commercial. A wife looked at her stunning figure and said, "What do people see in her?"

The husband said, "I have no idea. Let me take a closer look!"

Bob: My wife drives like lightning
Ted: She drives fast?
Bob: No, she hits trees!

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Jokes (Kolomental)

A mental hospital was critically overcrowded. The doctor decides to
get all the patients seated in one large room to conduct a test to see
how many they discharge that day.

At the front of the room the Doctors took some chalk and drew a full
size door on a Blackboard and offered an ice cream to any patient who
could open the door.

There was a mad rush for the door with the patients scratching a
clawing at the door and the handle.

The doctors were disappointed, until they noticed a single patient who
remained in his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he
watched his fellow patients.

Encouraged that at least one patient could be discharged today, the
doctors asked him why he wasn't trying to open the door.

The patient, who could no longer contain his laughter, shouted, "I've
got the key!"

This is nothing but the glory of GOD

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Thoughts About Men

Thoughts about Men



Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.

To attract a man, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

Women like quiet men because they think they are listening.

On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.

The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will see a man who can't get his pants off!

Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands. (yuck)

Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.

If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children." -- they leave skid marks. This works whether a man or woman says it.

There are easier things in life than finding a good man. like Nailing Jello to a tree for instance.

Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.

Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.

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I want a divorce

I want a divorce
Love Daily Jokes? Click to join this group



A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, " The airbag."

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Kalyug ka gita saar, talking about facts of today's life....

Kalyug ka gita saar, talking about facts of today's life....

As told to Employees of Company by CEO
kyon wyarth tension lete ho, kisse wyarth darte ho
kaun tumhein nikal sakta hai.
Resource na nikala ja sakta hai na nikal sakta hai...
Incentive nahin mila, bura hua
salary cut ho raha hai, bura ho raha hai
Retrenchment hoga, wo bhi bura hi hoga...
tum pichla review na hoone ka paschataap na karo
tum agle review na hone ki chinta na karo
recession chal raha hai...
tumhari pocket se kya gaya jo tum rote ho
tum company ke liye kya project laye the jo tumne kho diya
tumne aisa kaun sa product banaya tha jo scrap ho gaya...
tum koi experience le kar nahin aaye the
jo experience liya company se liya
jo code kiya company ko diya
degree le kar aaye, experience lekar chale...
jo project/product aaj tumhara hai, kal kisi aur ka tha
parsoon kisi aur ka hoga
tum isse apna samajh kar magn ho rahe ho
bas yahi khushi tumhari tension ka karran hai...
POLICY CHANGE company ka rule hai
jise tum policy Change kehte ho wahi to trick hai...
ek pal mein tum millionare ho jaate ho
doosre hi pal mein tum stipend par aa jate ho...
review, increment etc. etc. man se hata do vichar se mita do
phir company tumhari hai, tum company ke ho...
Na yeh Increments tumhare liye hain, na tum iske kabil ho
Yeh chamchoon ke liye bana hai aur unhin ko milega...
parantu job secure hai, phir tumhein tension kyon hai
tum apne aap ko Company ke aarpit karo
yahin sabse Golden Rule hai...
Jo is Golden Rule ko janta hai
wo review, incentive,recession se sarvada muqt hai...

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Puzzle for U

A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was re! quired. He waited by the door and listened.



A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The member replied, "six" and was let in.



A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member replied, "three" and was let in.



The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said,"ten" and the man replied, "five."

But he was not let in. What should have he said?



Comon guys put on your thinking caps & get the solution.... ..





.....





......


......... Dont keep scrolling... .... think about the answer :)


.......

........

Ans: - 3


The man had to reply the number of characters in the word the Doorman was asking.

He should have replied "Three" instead of "Five".



I bet u'll read the question again....

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

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Smile a while...

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called

"Saints"

But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker ' s T Shirt:

"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"



3.) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And

the other loves too many,



4.) Employee:

Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS:

Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!


5.) Philosophy of life

At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as

GOD,

Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!



6.) What is a Fear?

Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!



7.) Useful

Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wiseman cannot answer"

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8.) Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?


Shopkeeper:

Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"


Girl:

That ' s good, Give me 12 of them..!


9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "


Applicant:

What is it?


Interviewer:

Its called the "door..!"


10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Don ' t kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us

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Beer Joke

After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top
brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in
the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .

The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer in the world worth
really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."

The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer,
drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."

He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, "Hey Vijay, how come
you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I"

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Little Nonveg SMS

We have Mardum Shumari SMS Service"
Agar ap Male hain tu 5 SMS karain,
Female hain tu 4 SMS karain.
Agar apney aap par shak hay tu koi SMS na karain.


1450, Baby Food
300, Doctor
950, Medicine
800, Toys
600, Diapers
200, Gripewater
200, Powder
500, Soap
Total
Rs.5000/-Or
CondomRs.5/- Faisla Aap Per Hai..?

Pathan apni girlfrnd k sath date pr gya.Ahista se bola:
Mre dil me ek bat hy mgr kehty hue ghbrata hun
Girl:bolo
Pathan:
I realy realy
Luv
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ur Brothr


Teacher ne Brazer nahi Pehni thi aur Blouse k 2 Button khul gaye.
Ye dekh kar 2 Larkay Hasne lagay.
Teacher: "Hanso mat nahi to"DONO" ko Bahar Nikal Doongi"


Larki: Tum Honeymoon ke liye kahan kahan gayi thi? Saheli: Murree, Abbottabad, Nathiagali aur
Bhurban. Ladki: Accha, kya kya dekha ?
Saheli: only "CEILING FAN"


Two things to be Remembered in Life
1st
Don't take any Decision when you are angry.
2nd
Don't make any Promise when you are Happy

1 Larki ne aadhi raat ko Larke ko phone kiya:Ghar ajao ghar per koi nhi hay!
Larka chla gya....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ghar Waqai koi nhi tha TAALA lga huwa tha.!



Shakespear said,

"This world is a stage
&
we all r actors"..

In punjabi language it is translated as,

"ae dunya ek drama ae tae tusi sarray marasi ho"




A wonderful quote.

I met money 1day I said:U r just a piece of paper.
Money smiled & said, ofcourse Im a piece of paper,but I havn't seen a dustbin in my life.



When we wake up in the morning we have two simple choices...

Go back to sleep and dream or wake up and chase those dreams..'
Choice is yours....



......



Aurat Wakeel se: Mujhe mere Shohar se talaq chahiye.

Wakeel: Magar wo tou Kabaddi Champion hai.

Aurat: Yehi to problem hai ke
sirf hath laga k bhag jata hai.


Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: For u and ur parents.




Dulha "on wedding.Ask from dulhan,do u have any boyfrnd b4 marriage?
Dulhan:silent dulha:me is khamoshi ko kya samjhon? Dulhan:kaminey! Ginnay to de



Incredible Love Prediction.. .

Just type

LOVE ur name , ur partners name & send it to

Ur father's number.He'll tell ur FUTURE




Men want 3 Qualities in wives::-) Economist in kitchen, Artist in home & Devil in bed..
But they get: Artist in kitchen Devil in home & Economist in Bed



Sexy Malika Sharawat asked Rani & Ash :

Mere marney k baad meri Qabar ki Takhti pe kia likha hoga ?

Instant Reply :
PEHLI BAR AKELI SO RAHI HAI


Raat hogi to chand duhai dega,Khwaabon me tumhen woh chehra dikhaai dega,
Yeh DÖSTI hai zara soch k krna,Ek aansoo bhi gira tu sunai dega........ ....




Personality of a female follows the size of her BRA

32=Innocent

34=Calm

36=Agressive

38=Playful

40=Sexy

&

42= Pakistani Filmstar saima.




Zuban Se Tumhe Keh Nahi Sakte,
Isliye Hamesha Dua Mai Fariyad Karte Hain,
Jab Bhi Tmhara Dil Zor Se Dharke,
Samajh Lena Hum Tumhe Dil Se Yaad Karte Hain.




Apny asool youn b kabhi torny pary..
Us ki khata thi Hath mjhy jorny pary..
Aya na jb Qarar Dil-e-BeQarar ko..
Yadon k rukh Tumhari tarf morny pary.

JAISEY LOHAY KO LOHA KATTA HAI,SONAY KO SONA KATTA HAY,HEERAY KO HEERA,
ZEHER KO ZEHER,AISEY HEE AIK DIN TERAI KO ''KUTTA''KATEY GAA....


.

Chairman Electric company ne Sex k Doran Apni Biwi se pocha:
Bol na Meri Jan,
Tujhe kia Gham hay ?

Biwi Boli :
Sartaj ,
Load Ziada
Aur
Voltage kam hay..


At 33 he quit smoking
(will power)

At 43 he quit drinking
(will power)

At 53 he quit gambling
(will power)

At 63 he quit Sex
(Power Failure)...



"


Sardar wins 20 Crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 16 Crore after deducting tax.

Angry Sardaar:Hm ko poora 20 Crore de ya mere 20 Rs wapis kr.


Altaf bhai goes to see Umrao Jan's mujra....

After havin fun,
Umrao asked: Altaf bhai paisy ???

Altaf bhai replied: "chal Pagli, tujh say thori loun ga....



Kid:
Aunty! Mummy ny cheeni mangi hai

Aunty cheeni dety hue:
"Acha aur kya kaha mummy ne?"

Kid:
"Agr wo kameeni na dey to Pinky Aunty se le aana..."



Kal Temprature 42 sy Above rahy ga.Waqfy Waqfy sy Apny sar per Pani Dalty Rehna.Q
k Buzurgo ka kehna hai k "BHOOSA"
Aag jaldi Pakrta ha:)

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Joke About wife

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."

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Strategy (Cool Joke)

Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars at several motorway services in England.

Ahmed drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend .

Hamid only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day. Hamid asks Ahmed how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day.


Ahmed says, "Look at your sign. It says, "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."

Britons who see that do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign."


So Hamid looks up and Ahmed's sign reads: "I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan "

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Indian Jokes

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
~~~~~~

Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~~~
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
~~~~~~~

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THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly…

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet…

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it…

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick…

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Legal and Logical Explained

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

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Jokes

Rubbing = Putting
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that and you didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
Lemon Squeeze
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times.' The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Donation
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the Tax Department. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation? ' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man: 'What sins?' Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm Jewish.' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . I'm telling everybody!'
------------ --------- --------- ----
Pest Control
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover,'into the closet,' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone, ' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. 'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'

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Jokes

Killing English ……



Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "



************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!



************ ********* ********* ********* ****





"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"





************ ********* ********* ********* ****



"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"



************ ********* ********* ************ *



LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"



************ ********* ********* ********* ****



Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??



************ ********* ********* ********* *****



Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
__._,_.___

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Joke

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.


''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.


''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''


''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''


''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

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jokes for you

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

----------------------------------------------


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
--------------------------------------------------------


Belen-making Contest

Last Christmas, there was an inter-school Belen-making contest, but it turned out to be a disaster:

La Salle joined, but later pulled out because they could find only one wise man.

Ateneo joined, but later pulled out because they could find only two wise men.

Miriam did not even bother to join. They can't even find a single virgin.

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school jokes

What is the hardest part about taking a test?

The answer



Why did the teacher have to wear her sun glass all the time?

Her students were very bright.



Which side of the schoolhouse does a tree grow best?

On the outside.



If snakes went to school, what would their favorite subject be?
Hissss-tory



Why did they bury the school bus?

The battery was dead, the piston were shot, and the engine died.



What classroom table doesn’t have any legs?

The multiplication table



What kind of test is the most painful?

a blood test



What do you call a student whose library books are overdue?

A book keeper



Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They know how to make little things count.



What is white when it is dirty, but black when it is clean?

A blackboard



In what school do you learn to greet people?

HI School

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Santa Banta Jokes

Teacher : santa, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

Santa : You told me to do it without using tables.


An essay on a cricket match
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except our Santaji.

He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”


Biwi ko padhaunga
Santa : pehle me apni biwi ko BA karwaunga fir MA fir Phd karwaunga fir badiya si naukri dilwaunga.

Banta : fir acha sa rishta dekh k uski shaadi bhi krwa diyo


Santa frog



Cigarette
santa apne father k samne cigrate pi raha tha

Logon ne kaha ke aap apne father ke samne cigratte pi rahay ho?

Santa bola : Wo mera father hai, koi petrol pump thodi.

Imagine
Interviewer : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?

Santa : Simple, Stop imagining.


Santa fell out
Q: Why did Santa fall out the window ?

A: He was ironing the curtain


Brake fail
Santa : O Banno Car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?

Biwi : Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.


Banta fell in love
Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her. He got an opportunity to watch one of her movie.... the Movie came to an End.

A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw, Banta told himself, "Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."


Fighting
santa banta were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?

santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?

santa: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

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Jokes 4 You

There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain.


He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.


But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire.


The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours.


The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed.



When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire' s servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.


Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.


You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.



Lets change our vision..!!

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Zid apni na chhodi

Zid apni na chhodi



Zid apni na chhodi
Aur pyar bhara dil tod diya
Kuchh paiso k liye zaalim
Tumne sms karna chhod diya

............ ......... ......... ......... .........





Darr-darr bhatkate hain armaan ki tarha,
Har koi humse milta hai anjaan ki tarha,
In dosto se call ki kya aas karen,
Ye to SMS bhi karte hain ehsaan ki tarha

............ ......... ......... ......... .........





When u mix rice in milk u call it kheer.
When u mix vinegar in milk u call it paneer..
When u mix a sweet person like me in ur life ..
U call it takdeer.

............ ......... ......... ......... .........





Mushkurana har ladki ki adaa hai,
Gaur farmana, Mushkurana har ladki ki adaa hai,
Use jo mohabbat samjh le, wo sabse bada gadha hai.

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Indian SMS

Once Great Warrior Alexander saw a Little Child playing with a Lion,

He surrendered his sword at the child's feet.

Now da Child has GrownUp wishes u Gud morning

............ ......... ......... ..





Sweet like Honey,
Costly like Money.

Blessing like Shower,
Smiling like Flower.

Cool like ice,
A frnd so nice.

Guess Who?

O Hello!

Its you.
Good morning

............ ......... ......... ..





Gr8 opportunities come to all,
Bt many dont knw they have met them.

The only preparation 2take advantage of them is...
To watch what each day brings.
Good morning

............ ......... ......... ..





God has Four gifts for u:
A Key for every Problem,
A Light for every Shadow,
A Plan for every Tomorrow
a Joy for every Sorrow.
Enjoy GOD's gift.
Good Morning.



............ ......... ......... ..

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Beggars of today (Joke )

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs.10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7.50

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."


A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.

"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"


"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."


"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."

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