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Sunday, June 29, 2008

Indian Joke

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

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    Joke

    Gauteng Metro policeman pulled Sipho's car over and told him that because he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in an Arrive Alive safety competition.

    Sipho could hardly believe his luck. 'What are you going to do with your cash?' asked the traffic cop.

    'Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers license,' Sipho answered.

    'Oh, don't listen to him,' yelled Dipuo in the passenger seat. 'He tries to be smart when he's drunk.'

    This woke up Rodger in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, 'I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car.'

    At that moment there was a knock from the boot and Zakes' voice said, 'Are we over the border yet?'

    The cop fainted.

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      BASTARD (Joke)

      BASTARD

      GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
      PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
      GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

      PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
      ( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
      GIRL: ......Yes!

      PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
      GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
      PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
      ( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
      GIRL: Yes!

      PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
      GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
      PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
      ( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
      GIRL: Yes!

      PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
      GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
      PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
      ( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
      GIRL: .Yes!

      PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
      GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
      PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!

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        Non Veg SMS

        Dhritrastra : hey gandhari tum dhanya ho tumne mujhe sau bacho ka pyar diya

        Gandhari : nath aap agar andhe na hote to yeh kabhi sambhav na tha.

        ............ ......... ......... ......... ........

        Man goes to the RED LIGHT area.
        Madame inquire:" r u married ?"

        He replied :"What difference does it make ?"
        She said:"We are here to serve the needy not the greedy ! "

        ............ ......... ......... ......... ........

        Now tell me what is the similarity between a Bank and a Bra?

        Student: Well the more in it better the interest you get.

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          Friday, June 13, 2008

          Mobile SMS

          AASUON KE CHALNE KI AWAZ NAHI HOTI, DIL KE TOOTNE KI AAHAT NAHI HOTI, AGAR HOTA KHUDA KO HAR DARD KA EHSAS, TO USE DARD DENE KI AADAT NAHI HOTI……………..

          ** TERE SAATH GUJRA HAR LAMHA B YAAD AAYEGA IS JANAM KE BAD B TERA KHAYAL AAYEGA AGAR BAKSHI PHIR ZINDAGI RAB NE TO TUJSE HI DOSTI KARNE KO G CHAHEGGA…..

          ** WHNEVER I LUK AT MY PALMS, I ALWAYS STARE AT WHICH OF THOSE TINY CUTE LIL CRIS-CROSS LINES MDE ME SO LUCKY TO HV A SWEET FRIEND LYK U….


          ** SPECIAL FRNDZ R LIKE PIECES OF PUZZLE IF U LOSE ONE IT’LL NEVER B COMPLETE AGAIN, JUST WANT U 2 KNOW U R 1 OF D PIECE I CANT AFFORD TO LOSE



          ** PANAVLELYA NAYNANI TU MALA PAHU NAKOS, MANATIL ATHVANINA VAT DEU NAKOS, JULLELYA SWANA TU AART KARU NAKOS, SWAPNATIL CHANDANYANDA APLI KAHANI SANGU NAKOS, MILAVLELYA SWAPNANA PUNHA PAHU NAKOS, AATHVANIT MAZYA KADHIHI MAJSATHI TU ASHRU DHALU NAKOS…….

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            School Time SMS

            Sapano Ki Baarat Thi,
            Vo Mere Saath Thi
            Halki Si Barsaat Thi
            Tabhi Ek Awaaj Aai
            Subah Ho gai Mamu



            Hum Tum Se Door Kaise Rah Paate
            Dil Se Tumko Kaise Bhool Paate
            kaash Tum Sanso Ke Alava aaine me base hote
            Khud ko dekhate to Tum Nazar Aate



            Isqe Ke School Me Nayaa Mahaul Taiyaar Ho Gaya
            Ek Teacher ko Pappu ki girlfriend se pyaar ho Gaya
            Bus Tabhi Se pappu ka dil udaas ho Gayaa
            Class Ke sare Bachche Fail Ho Gaye or Pappu Pass Ho Gaya



            Mat kar mere dost hasinao ke husn se muhabbat
            vo ankhon se vaar karati hai
            maine teri vaali ki ankho me dekha hai
            vo mujhe bhi pyaar karati hai



            Husn Ki taarif na kijiye
            suna hai Deewaro ke bhi kaan hote hai
            bhagaa kar koi aur le jata hai
            hum maasum yu hi badnaam hote hai




            Dil Ka Dard Jo Na Samjhate Ho, Laakh Samjhaane Ke Baad Kya Khaak Khusboo Aayegi Phool, Mujhane Ke Baad, Makeup Se Jo Aayee He Tere face Pe Jo Chamak, Aa Gayi ho Ronak Jaise Ghar Putwane Ke Baad, Dilo-Dimaag Ke Meter Pe, Meri Yadon Ka Vajan Kum Daaliye, Varnaa Fuse ood Jaayega, Load Badh Jaane Ke Baad



            likho to paigam kuch aisa likho ki kalam bhi rone ko majbur ho jay,
            her labzz me wo dard pher do ki phadhane wala pyar karane per majbur ho Jaye



            Teri Dosti Ke Liye, Duniya Chhod Denge Hum, Teri Taraf Aaye, Her Tofaan Ko Mod Denge Hum, Per Yaad Rakhana, Gar Tune Saath Chhoda, To Teri Haddiya Bhi Tod Denge Hum

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              lovely sms

              hame tu mil ja, to mere jindgi ke parat hi badal jay
              ager to mujhe mil ja to, meri chahat hi badal jay
              teri is jawani ki khatir mai khuch bhi kar jaun
              bus ek baar han kar de to teri khatir mai khud ko
              badal dun


              kitani jaldi ye mulakat gujar jati hai.
              pyas bujhti nhi barsat gujar jati hai.
              apni yado kah do is tarah n aaya kre need aati nhi aur rat gujar jati


              zindgi veran si ban gayi hai.
              gamo se apni pahchan ban gayi hai.
              tanha the pahle ab bhi tanha hai .
              har pyari cheej mout ka saman ban gayi hai

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                Must sms

                pyar karna gunah tou nhi
                kisi ko dil mai basana khata tou nhi
                gunah hoga ye dunia ki nazaro mai
                dunia wale bhi insaan hai khuda tou nhi


                sathi wo nahi jo zindgi bhar ka sath nibhay, sathi to wo hai zindgi ke kuch palon main bhi jeevan bhar ka sath nibhay.


                Teacher: Tum School Mai Kisliye Aate Ho?
                Rohit: Vidya Ke Liye Sir
                Teacher: Fhir So Kyo Rahe Ho?
                Rohit: Aaj Vidya Aayi Nahi


                E Zindagi di chahat da silsila hai koi mil gaya te koi Vichhar gaya,
                Jinna nu Mangaya si Duwawaan che O Kisi hor nu Bina mange mil gaya


                na kashti na kinara hai, na koi manzil na sahara hai na koi aansu na khushi ka ishara hai par aap hai to lagta hai ki koi to hai jo hamara hai

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                  Mohabat ke bina

                  Mohabat ke bina zindagi fizool hai
                  Par mahobat ke bhi aapne ussol hai
                  Kehte hai milti hai mohabbat mein bahut ulfaate
                  Par aap ho mehboob toh saab kubul hai…


                  Kal Mila Waqt To Zufain Teri Suljha Doonga
                  Aaaj Uljha Hoon Zara Waqt Ke Sulajhne Main
                  Yoon To Sulajh Jatee hain Uljhee Zulfain
                  Umar Kat Jati Hai Waqt Ke Sulajhne Main
                  Dil Ko Manana Gar Hota Aaasaaan
                  Na Karta Kisi Ko Yoon Ye Pareshaan
                  Tanha Na Rahta Bhari Mehfil Main
                  Na Hoti Woh Halat Jo Ho Na Bayaan

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                    Wafaa Ka Silaah Hai

                    Wafaa Ka Silaah Hai

                    Yehi Wafaa ka silaah hai, to koi baat nahi
                    Yeh dard tum ne diya hai, to koi baat nahi
                    Yehi bohot hai ke tum dekhte ho sahil se
                    Safeena doob raha hai, to koi baat nahi
                    Rakha tha aashiyana-e-dil main choopa ke tumko
                    Woh ghar tumne chor diya hai to koi baat nahi
                    Tum hi ne aayena-e-dil mera banaya tha

                    Tum Bin Movie shayari

                    Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise
                    Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin
                    Sadiyon Se Lambi Hain Raatein
                    Sadiyon Se Lambe Hue Din
                    Aa Jaao Lautkar Tum, Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai…

                    Phir Shaam-E-Tanhaai Jaagi
                    Phir Yaad Tum Aa Rahe Ho
                    Phir Jaan Nikalne Lagi Hai
                    Phir Mujhko Tadpaa Rahe Ho
                    Phir Mujhko Tadpaa Rahe Ho
                    Is Dil Mein Yaadon Ke Mele Hain
                    Tum Bin Bahut Hum Akele Hain
                    Aa Jaao Lautkar Tum, Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai…

                    Kya Kya Na Socha Tha Maine
                    Kya Kya Na Sapne Sajaaye
                    Kya Kya Na Chaaha Tha Dil Ne
                    Kya Kya Na Armaan Jagaaye
                    Kya Kya Na Armaan Jagaaye
                    Is Dil Se Toofaan Guzarte Hai
                    Tum Bin To Jeete Na Marte Hai
                    Aa Jaao Lautkar Tum, Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai…

                    Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise
                    Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin
                    Sadiyon Se Lambi Hain Raatein
                    Sadiyon Se Lambe Hue Din
                    Aa Jaao Lautkar Tum, Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai…

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                      Diljale Movie shayari

                      Ek pal mein jo aakar gujar jaaye yeh hawa ka woh jhoka hai
                      Aur kuch nahi
                      Pyar kahti hai duniya jise,ek rangeen dhokha hai
                      Aur kuch nahi

                      Aarzoo jhooth hai,
                      Aarzoo ka fareb khana nahi ..
                      Khush jo rahna ho zindagi me tumhe
                      Dil kabhi kisi se lagana nahi.

                      Kyuon Banati ho tum ret ke mahal,
                      Jise khud hi tod dalogi tum
                      Aaj kehti ho is dijlale se pyar hai tumhe,
                      Kal to mera naam tak bhul jayogi tum

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                        Naseebon se ladhe

                        Naseebon se ladhe

                        Teri baat hi sunane aaye
                        Dost bhi dil dukhane aaye
                        Phool khilte hain to hum sochte hain
                        Tere aane ke zamane aaye
                        Dil dhadkta hain safar ke samay
                        Kaash phir koi bulane aaye …….

                        DIL YAAD HUME KABHI KABHI KARTA HOGA
                        DHADKAN BEKABU ROZ NA HOTA HOGA
                        HUMARE TO LAHU MAIN GHULI HEY TERI DOSTI
                        AUR AWAZ WAHA SE AATI HEY TERI WAFAON KI…..

                        Mehefilo main auro ko khush kiya jata hey
                        Tanhaeeyo main khud ko khush kiya jata hey
                        Tanhaee ki is khubsurtiko samjo
                        Aur mast ho zindagee jiyo
                        Phir chahiye mehefil ho ya tanhaee
                        Khushiya to har jagah milegee…..

                        Pyar ho ya dosti ho
                        Inme wafadaree ki koi baat nahin hoti
                        Inme to bus ehesas hoten hey
                        Jinme bewafaee ke liye koi jagah nahin hoti…

                        Nakhuda maan ke baithe hai jinki kashti mein,
                        Woh hume maujo mein le aye hai dubone ke liye,
                        Woh hawaon ki tarah rukh badal lete hai,
                        Hum naseebon se ladhe the jinhe pane ke liye……

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